PRIVACY POLICY… GDPR… THINGY
Thanks to www.writershq.co.uk for the original content of this Privacy Policy
Wow has anyone ever read one of these?
I have to have one of these thingies to explain how my company complies with the GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation), the DPA (Data Protection Act) and the PECR (Privacy and Electronic Communications Regulations) because God knows there’s not enough actual interesting things in the world to read, you need to read 1,000 words of legalese nonsense that makes literally not one bit of difference to anyone, ever.
Of course, I don’t really know what these things are either! 🤷♀️
The best bit about the GDPR stuff is that all this has to be “concise, transparent, intelligible and easily accessible” so hold on to your hats, people, this is going to be the shortest, clearest and best freakin’ privacy policy you ever did see.
So. Here we go…
Who we are
My company is a tiny, overstretched business and I don’t have the time or energy to do anything nefarious with your data. I could probably be bought, but I’m just too tired to think up a malevolent plot to steal your identity.
At the moment this site doesn’t collect any personal data, (it’s taken enough brain power just to build what’s there now!) but if it did it would only be the info that’s needed to provide you with the service you buy from me (if I get around to such things!). I occasionally stalk you via Facebook… um… I wish I had the time!
Cookies
Seriously who actually cares? Do you even know what a cookie is or does? Well then. Yes this site uses cookies because that’s kinda how the Internet works. If you don’t want its delicious home-baked chocolate chip scripts, then you need to block cookies on your browser but don’t come crying to me when nothing does what it’s supposed to.
Stalky Visitor Tracking
Um, well at the moment there is only some pathetic wordpress plugin about which I know very little, that was installed when I set up this website which may track something! I haven’t even set up anything like Google Analytics yet… oh and by tracking… I mean I can see if anybody (not you personally!) has visited the site recently. That’s about it! I know… all those SEO people out there would be horrified at my lack of expertise here.
However, this is a business and – shocker – I want you to spend money with me. But even when you buy something via this site using the paypal buttons, I merely am sent your postal info from Paypal if it’s something that needs to be sent… if it’s a workshop booking I only get your email address… so I can say thank you!!
Anyway Paypal’s privacy policy is here https://www.paypal.com/uk/webapps/mpp/ua/privacy-full – Good Luck!! <wink>
Data Storage
DATA!! Apparently it’s all about the data, baby?! A Gazillion of petabytes whirring around the world and what? What’s it all for? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?
Well with regard to A Crafter’s Mind … your data is stored in a couple of places.
Here on this website
When I get around to sorting a Newsletter sign up page… if you register with the site I will store your name and email address, probably via ‘Mailchimp’ they look quite good, don’t they! And of course you’ll be able to unsubscribe from that at any time. (that’s a bit like asking someone what time they are planning to leave when they’ve only just arrived!)
If you buy stuff from here I will store your name, email address, postal address and phone number if you give it to me. Your payment details ARE NOT held on the site. I go to maximum effort to keep any data secure and only I have access to it.
At PayPal
If you want to change, update or delete your financials you need to speak to PayPal, if you paid that way.
Your Payment Details
When you buy stuff from this site, you will pay through PayPal. The only payment-based details I get is a confirmation email from Paypal with how much you’ve spent and what it was for. I have no bank or card details or nada here. Paypal is GDPR compliant. If you want to change any financial details or have that data deleted, you need to speak to PayPal. Ok cool.
Newsletters and Email Marketing Thingies
Ok, so I haven’t actually set one up yet but… when I do… she says, sweat dripping from her brow…
If you sign up to my newsletter, I will send you a newsletter – as and when there is interesting stuff to tell you. You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the unsubscribe button in every email. Your name and email address will be stored securely in Mailchip (assuming that’s who I choose) and you can email me if you want this info deleted.
Your Right to be Deleted
FINE SOD OFF THEN I DON’T CARE… just kiddin’ <wink>
If you want to go undercover, just chuck me an email at email@acraftersmind.co.uk and I’ll delete all the info I have on you (which quite frankly is very little!)… of course I will have a passive aggressive huff about what I could have possibly done wrong.
This does not include PayPal. If you want to delete your PayPal account you have to do that yourself via PayPal. I cannot delete your purchase history because the taxman will be terribly upset.
Did you make it this Far?
Well whoop-de-do… well done you, a round of applause for both of us… me for writing it and you for reading it!… although I have pinched a lot of bits – minus the swearing – from WritersHQ so thanks to them and they asked me to include the following…
With thanks to Writers’ HQ, our supreme writing commanders, glorious leaders and excellent but tiny overlords, who have verily granted us permission to use their splendid and sweary Privacy Policy.”
I think I’ve covered all the bases here, but I’m sure someone will be delighted to tell me if I haven’t!
Oh by the way, I will have to update this Privacy Policy ‘as and when’… you know when I actually get around to things like Newsletters and e-commerce.
But for now I’m signing off…
Right what’s next…